Hastebin

Red: Where are we?
Cyan, looking around: We're in Hell's Kitchen.
Green: WHAT!?
Black: S-surely you don't mean Hell's Kitchen as in Gordon Ramsay's program...
Cyan: Yep, I mean Hell's Kitchen as in Gordon Ramsay's program.
White: WHY THE FUCK US!? 
Lime: This group + a kitchen is literally a recipe for chaos... ba dum tss.
Pink: YOU'RE NOT FUNNY, LIME!!!
Cyan, pretending to be calm: Guys… let’s just do our tasks- I mean- recipes. Same thing.
Green: NO IT’S NOT THE SAME THING, CYAN, LAST TIME YOU SAID THAT I ENDED UP GETTING YEETED INTO SPACE!
Lime, doubling down on the jokes like a menace: Relax, Green. Worst case scenario? We get yelled at by a British man with anger management DLC.
Pink: LIME! ONE MORE JOKE AND I’M TURNING YOU INTO THAT ONE AMONG US CHICKEN NUGGET ON EBAY!
Blue: Alright, team, let's get to worki–
Rose: WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE HAVE TO COOK YET!!!
Cyan: Uh guys... I impregnated the microw–

(Gordon Ramsay enters out of nowhere)

Chef Ramsay: Alright you donkeys, today–

(Gordon Ramsay looks up and sees 15 different-colored space jelly beans in a chef suit)

Chef Ramsay: SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL! Is this a bloody children's cartoon? Are you lot hosting a costume party? Get that jelly-bean uniform off now! Where's the actual kitchen staff?! This station looks like a unicorn sneezed on a washing machine!
Maroon: Uh, we can't "get the jelly-bean uniform off". This is what we look like.
Cyan, with an expression that says he's seen too much: I can already tell this is about to be a disaster...
Banana: hi chef!! My name Banana!
Chef Ramsay: Really? After a fruit?
Banana: Banana :D
Chef Ramsay: Is "banana" the only thing you know how to say? Expand your bloody vocabulary a little, will you!?
Banana: Banana :(
Cyan: Damn, bro really thought he did something with that intro 💀
Black: Guys... I uh, I uhm... I-I impregnated the sink.
Chef Ramsay: HOW!?
Lime: FIRST CYAN DOES IT AT THAT FIVE-STAR RESTAURANT,

(Flashback... "Five-Star Finesse, Zero-Star Skill (ft. Among Us crewmates)")

Cyan: Guys I got the sink pregnant I'm sorry
Green: CYAN WHAT DID WE TELL YOU ABOUT GETTING 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 WITH THE SINK!?
Red: ABORTION IS EXPENSIVE AND OUR PAYCHECK IS CHEAP, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?
Cyan: my bad

(End of flashback...)

Lime: AND NOW YOU!?
Orange: We've been put in chef suits WAY too much, the universe gotta learn we are NOT fit for cooking 😭🙏
Rose: That and we still have no idea what we're supposed to cook.
Red: Whatever. Let's just do whatever.

(Cyan starts scrolling YouTube Shorts on his phone at maximum volume)

Red: Not THAT kind of whatever!
Cyan: Bruh...

(Cyan saves his phone)

Chef Ramsay: Alright, you donkeys. Dinner service order is two beef wellingtons and a risotto, get to work you colorful walking jelly-beans.

(Chef Ramsay leaves)

Cyan: UGHHH DUDE SERIOUSLY?? ISN'T RISOTTO LIKE THE HARDEST THING TO COOK!?

(Cyan pulls out YouTube Shorts again before his brain implodes)

Red: CYAN!!! PUT YOUR GODDAMN PHONE DOWN BEFORE RAMSAY COMES BACK BECAUSE OF THE NOISE!
Cyan, still scrolling: Hmm... Nah, not feeling like it this time.
Red: THAT WASN'T A QUESTION, CYAN!

(Green pulls out his phone and starts playing Roblox at full volume)

Pink: ARE YOU SERIOUS, GREEN!? PUT YOUR DANG PHONE DOWN!
Green, playing Steal a Brainrot: NOT NOW, PINK, A TRALALERO TRALALA JUST SPAWNED!!!
Pink: WHAT THE HELL EVEN IS A– Ugh, nevermind...

(Unfortunately, Ramsay walks in.)

Chef Ramsay: WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU LOT DOING!?
Chef Ramsay, pointing at Green: YOU! THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE AN OVERCOOKED MINT! WHY ARE YOU SITTING ON THE GODDAMN TABLE!?
Green: Actually, my name's Gree–
Chef Ramsay: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR NAME IS, GET OFF THE BLOODY TABLE!!!
Green: HOLD ON, A GOLDEN CAPPUCCINO ASSASSINO JUST SPAWNED! MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!!!
Chef Ramsay: What even is a "Cappuccino Assassino"? That sounds like a coffee mug had an affair with an Italian mafia member!
Blue: Goddamn, Ramsay, yo haircut looks like a piece of Lego with yo "everything is awesome!!" looking assss boiiiiiii 💀      
Chef Ramsay, snapping his head towards Blue: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME!?      
Cyan, pausing scrolling: Danggg Blue is boutta get cooked, plated, lamb sauced and served 💀      
      
(Cyan goes right back to scrolling)  
  
Rose: Oh my god, the AUDACITY of these idiots... 🤦‍♀️

(Rose steps up to Gordon Ramsay)

Rose, sighing: I apologize for the behavior of these idiots, chef. They're like this all the time.
Chef Ramsay: Well, no wonder they behave like their morals are duct taped with prayers and Elmer's glue.
Chef Ramsay, pointing at Gray: You, with the same color as an allen wrench and eyelashes longer than my will to live. Why haven't you said anything this entire time? Are you mute or something?
Gray: No, chef.
Chef Ramsay: Then why are you not talking?
Gray: I'm processing everything that is going on.
Chef Ramsay, with an expression that says he's seen it all: Alright, you donkeys, put your phones down and get to cooking.

(Chef Ramsay leaves the scene)

Green, screaming of joy: IS AN ADMIN ABUSE GOING ON RIGHT NOW!? I GOT A FUCKING RAINBOW 6 7
Brown, who's been silent the whole time: Oh for fuck's sake, Green! Stop screaming about mutated brainrot!
Pink: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYIN—
Green, laughing at a kid he just stole from: HAHAHHA TAKE THAT BITCHASS CHILD I GOT YO GARAMARARAMBRARAMANMARARAN!!! CRY ABOUT IT YE BITCH!
White: ...Holy mouthful, what in the hell have I just heard.
Rose: Okay, everyone. I just got the ticket... thing...y. Put your phones down. We have to make 2 beef wellingtons and a risotto, like Chef Ramsay said.

(Cyan looks up from his phone)

Cyan: Rose, just get your mouth out of Chef Ramsay's ass, will you?

(Rose snaps her head and turns to look at Cyan)

Rose, angry: CYAN!! YOU CAN'T SAY THAT, IT'S EXTREMELY UNPROFESSIONAL!!!!
Cyan, with an extremely unconvincing expression: Oops, my bad.

(Cyan goes back to scrolling YouTube Shorts at full volume)

Chef Ramsay, over a kitchen intercom he didn't even know existed: Alright, you donkeys. I don't trust any of you to work in separate teams. So all of you will work together.
Cyan: Or what if we just hold an election to see what color our jackets should be?
Black: Well I'm Black.
Rose: Yes, Black. We know.
Black: And the special jacket given to the six remaining chefs is Black.
Black: So I shall be the leader!
Rose: I say I should be leader. I'm the most professional one.
Cyan: If you guys vote Cyan as jacket color, I'll give you all extra break time and I'll give away some of my rarest Grow a Garden plants.
Green: GROW A GARDEN TRASH! STEAL A BRAINROT WAY BETTER!!!
Cyan: You DO realize Steal a Brainrot copied a less popular, older game called Steal a Character, right?
Green: NO IT DIDN'T!!! SAMMY BOUGHT IT!!!
White: If all of you vote for a White jacket, I will let you be the Manager when we play Work at a Pizza Place again.
Cyan: You were never even the manager, brochacho, I was. SIT THE FUCK BACK DOWN. 💀

(Flashback, "Among Us crewmates play Work at a Pizza Place"...)

(Meanwhile, Cyan and White are fighting for Manager.)

Cyan: I DESERVE IT MORE THAN YOU!
White: NO, I DO!
Cyan: NO, I DO!
White: NO, I DO!
Cyan: NO, I DO!
White: NO, I DO!
Cyan: NO, I DO!
White: NO, I DO!
Cyan: NO, I DO!
White: Alright then, let's race; first to the Manager chair gets the position.
Cyan: Alright, bet!

(Cyan equips snowballs he bought without White knowing, and the race starts.)

(The second the race starts, Cyan throws snowballs at White to boost White backwards and therefore have a higher chance of winning.)

Cyan: CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, BITCH!
White: FUCK YOU CYAN, I'D BUY SNOWBALLS TOO BUT I BARELY FUCKING HAVE COINS
Cyan: OHHH MY GOD!! BOO HOOOOO CRY ABOUT IT BITCH!!!

[SYSTEM]: Cyan is the new Manager.

(Cyan screams so loud)

Green: MY EARDRUMS
Black: I HEARD THAT FROM ALL THE WAY BACK IN THE PROVIDER STATION
Cyan: BOW DOWN TO YOUR BOSS, PEASANTS!
White: brodie you got the job 2 seconds ago, you are NOT allat 😭💔🥀

(End of flashback...)

Cyan: Yeah, so uh now you know. 
Chef Ramsay, over the intercom: STOP ARGUING ABOUT JACKET COLORS AND GAMES, YOU DONUTS! ALL OF YOU, GET COOKING!
Cyan: VOTE FOR CYAN JACKETS!!!
Maroon: What if we do some funnies and just vote for Banana jackets
Banana: BANANA!? :D
Maroon: Yes, Banana. Banana.
Banana, tears of joy rolling down his visor: Banana :D
Lime: This is un-peel-ievable!
Rose, about to snap: LIME!!!!
Lime: Well, gee. I'm sorry.

(Finally, they all agree on Banana jackets and get to cooking after exploiting chaos for chaos sake.)

Rose: REMEMBER, EVERYBODY! TWO BEEF WELLINGTONS AND ONE RISOTT–
Cyan: WE FUCKING KNOW THAT ALREADY! YOU'VE TOLD US THIS A MILLION TIMES!

(The beans finally scatter across the kitchen. Pans start clanging. Ingredients fly everywhere.)

Red: Okay, okay—someone grab the beef!
Brown: I got it! I got it!

(Brown immediately drops the beef on the floor.)

Brown, doing the five second rule: …FIVE, FOUR, THR–
Rose, already holding the beef: NO.

(Green is in the corner spinning in a chair.)

Pink: GREEN, WHY ARE YOU SPINNING!?
Green: THE CHAIR GOT GOOD PHYSICS!!!

(Cyan is at the stove, still on his phone, pouring rice into a lukewarm pan.)

Rose: CYAN, THE RISOTTO NEEDS HEAT!
Cyan: I-i-i-it has emotional warmth. Tha-that's gotta count for something.
Rose: YEAH, FOR YOUR STUPIDITY!!!
Cyan: :(

(The pan immediately starts smoking.)

White: Uh… is the risotto supposed to be BLACK?
Cyan: That means it’s rare.

(A loud WHOOSH as Orange accidentally turns on the wrong burner. Flames shoot up.)

Orange: WHY IS THE FIRE DOING EXTRA DAMAGE!?!
Blue: THIS IS NOT MINECRAFT!!!

(Banana is gently patting a piece of beef.)

Banana: Banana help Beef :D
Maroon: Banana, you’re tenderizing it with emotional support. HIT IT.
Banana: …Banana :(

(Lime slips on spilled oil and accidentally flings puff pastry across the room.)

Lime: AIRBORNE DOUGH—
Rose: WHY IS THE PASTRY ON THE CEILI–

(LOUD INTERCOM BEEP)

Chef Ramsay, over intercom: WHY DO I SMELL BURNING RICE AND REGRET!?

(Everyone freezes.)

Cyan, whispering: Nobody move. If we’re still, he can’t see us.

(The risotto pan bursts into flames.)

Pink: IT’S ON FIRE!!!
Red: PUT IT OUT!!!
Green: WITH WHAT!?
Blue: THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER, YOU NPC!!!

(Green grabs the extinguisher and unloads the entire thing onto the risotto, the beef, the counter, Banana, and half the crew.)

Banana, covered in foam: …Banana?

(The kitchen is now white with extinguisher dust. Silence.)

(Chef Ramsay suddenly walks in and stares at the disaster)

Chef Ramsay: …I leave all of you alone for FIVE MINUTES.
Cyan, covered in foam, still on his phone (which is also covered in foam): skill issue lol💀
Chef Ramsay: Everybody, go change. RIGHT NOW!!!

(In the confessional, behind the scenes)

---

(Confessional: Cyan)

Cyan, full of ego: Man, I cannot believe Green's dumbass really did that. Chef Ramsay just sent us to change, and guess who's fault that is?

---

(Confessional: Green)

Green: Bro's phone got a foam bath as well 💀 Maybe for the better, so he could stop scrolling and FOCUS ON THE FUCKING FOOD FOR ONCE!

---

(Confessional: Gray)

Gray: I know damn well Green's dumb fuck can NOT be talking all that shit. He's literally the one who caused everyone to get nuked in foam.

---

(In the locker room, with everybody.)

Banana: Banana no wanna take off Banana color jacket ;(
Maroon, accepting his role as Banana's emotional support: You have to, Banana. You're covered from head to leg in foam. We all are.
Cyan, shouting from afar: GUESS WHO'S FAULT THAT IS!!!
Pink, who's been silent almost the entire time: Hey guys, can I umm... be raw and real with all of you?
Lime: No lol cry bout it
Rose: LIME!!! 
Lime: Sorry.
Rose: Of course, Pink. Go on.
Cyan: For a second, my brain filtered out Pink's "and real" and could not compute if that was supposed to be flirting or a literal death threat
Green: Welp, guess that's what happens when you scroll 24/7
Cyan: ...FUCK YOU!

(In confessional)

---

(Confessional: Cyan)

Cyan: I literally want to call Green every single name in the book for saying that. Literally.

---

(Back in locker room)

Pink, not knowing if she should say it: Umm u-uh uhmmm...
Pink: I hate it when people ask "Well, what were you wearing?" to a rape victim as if their clothing invited the rape...

(The locker room goes dead silent.)

Green: …
Cyan: …Damn.
Gray, quietly: She’s right. People really do say that shit.
Rose, voice low and serious: And it’s disgusting. It shifts the blame to the victim instead of the person who actually committed the crime.
Maroon: Nobody “invites” that. Ever. Clothing isn’t consent.
Banana, after a pause: …Banana sad :(
Pink: I just… hear it way too much online, and it makes me sick. I needed to say it.
Rose, gently placing her hand on Pink: You did the right thing by saying something.

(Cyan looks away, unusually quiet. And for once, Lime doesn't try to spin it into a joke or a pun.)

Pink: I also hate how some people think 9/11 = hilarious. It's really not. Nearly 3000 Americans died in the World Trade Center.

(The room stays quiet. Even the lockers seem loud.)

Gray, low: Yeah… that’s not “dark humor.” That’s just being cruel.
White: My uncle worked in Manhattan back then. He made it out, but a lot of his friends didn’t. People forget those were real lives.
Rose: Tragedies aren’t memes. They’re scars. And making fun of them doesn’t make you edgy—it makes you heartless.
Green, unusually serious: …Yeah. Some stuff just isn’t for jokes.
Cyan, still not looking up: People laugh because they don’t want to think about how bad it actually was. Doesn’t make it okay though.
Banana, quiet: …Banana remembers.
Pink: I’m not trying to kill the mood forever. I just… needed to say it. Some lines shouldn’t be crossed.
Rose, gently but firm: And you’re right to draw those lines.

(A beat. The chaos is gone for once. Just crewmates.)

Green's thoughts: Hmm, I think I did foam them for the better.
Banana: Banana remember Beef :(

(Loud silence, then everyone turns to face Banana)

Cyan, peeking from behind the shower curtain: Who... is Beef?
Banana, casually trauma-dumping: Beef was Banana crush way before Banana met Milk.
Banana: Banana and Beef only were scared 6 year olds. Beef is the reason Banana is here today.
Green: Damn, I'm sorry, Banana.
Maroon: Wow...
Banana: Banana made it out alive. Beef didn't :(
Banana, glassy tears forming underneath his visor, signaling he's about to cry a loud, ugly sob: Banana never got to tell Beef Banana feelings ;(

(Suddenly, Chef Ramsay bulldozes the heartfelt moment with a door knock.)

Chef Ramsay, from outside: WHAT IS TAKING YOU LOT SO LONG!? THE KITCHENS WON'T UNFOAM THEMSELVES!
Cyan: UHHH- UH- UMMM... Let's get changed, guys! Banana can tell us more about Beef... later!

(Everybody changes out of their foam-filled jackets and chef hats into new ones. White, Maroon, Pink, Rose and Cyan, who were showering, finish drying themselves and put on new jackets.)

(Lockers slam. Jackets and hats get swapped in record time.)

Rose, quietly to Banana as they pass: We’ll talk later. I promise.
Banana, wiping his visor: …Banana okay.

(Door swings open.)

Chef Ramsay: ABOUT BLOODY TIME! I thought you lot became one with the lockers! Get back on the line, NOW!

(They rush back into the kitchen. The counters are still damp. The smell of burnt rice lingers in the air.)

Chef Ramsay, clapping his hands once: Reset. Fresh start. I don’t care what happened in that locker room—

(Chef Ramsay points at the stove)

Chef Ramsay:—what I care about is TWO WELLINGTONS. ONE RISOTTO. MOVE!

(After Chef Ramsay leaves)

Green, under his breath: New round. No foam this time.
Cyan: Don’t jinx it, you literally control foam now apparently.
Gray: Please don’t manifest it.

(Banana steps up to the risotto station this time, hands shaking just a little.)

Maroon, quietly beside him: You’re not doing this alone.
Banana: …Banana cook for Beef.

(The pans heat up again. Green slips on foam on the floor from earlier)

(He slips straight on the leftover foam, feet flying out from under him like a cartoon character. A tray of shallots goes airborne. One single shallot lands perfectly in the risotto pan.)

Cyan: …No way that just happened again.
Gray: We are actually cursed. We are actually completely cursed.

(Green crashes into the side of the prep table and barely catches himself before hitting the stove.)

Chef Ramsay, spinning around: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? A BLOODY BALLET!?
Green, on the floor: IT WAS THE FOAM—THE-THE F-F-FO-OAM HAS A MIND OF ITS OW—
Chef Ramsay: DON’T YOU DARE BLAME SENTIENT SOAP FOR YOUR FEET, GET UP!

(Banana flinches at the shout but keeps searing the beef, jaw set.)

Maroon, low voice: Focus, Banana. You’ve got this.
Banana: Banana not dropping this one.

(Cyan quietly kicks a rag over the foam patch.)

Cyan: Someone mop that before we lose another teammate.
Chef Ramsay: RISOTTO STATION, WHY IS THERE A SHALL– *voice crack* –ot– DOING THE BACKSTROKE IN MY PAN!?
Maroon: …Custom garnish?
Chef Ramsay: GET IT OUT!!

(The kitchen explodes back into motion.)

(Green windmills, crashes into the counter, and accidentally flings a raw Wellington across the kitchen in slow motion.)

(It lands perfectly on Cyan’s station with a wet SPLAT.)

Cyan: WHY.
Cyan: IS THERE RAW MEAT ON MY RISOTTO.
Green: Skill issue?

(The kitchen door SLAMS open.)

Chef Ramsay: WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY—

(Chef Ramsay stares at Cyan’s station)

Chef Ramsay: IS. THAT. RAW. BEEF.
Cyan: Green committed a culinary hate crime, chef.
Chef Ramsay, with deadly calm: GREEN. Did you just turn my kitchen into a MEAT CRIME SCENE?
Green: It was the foam, chef—
Chef Ramsay: THE FOAM DIDN’T THROW THE WELLINGTON, YOU DONKEY. YOU DID.

(Ramsay grabs the ruined dish and holds it up.)

Chef Ramsay: This beef is so raw it's still looking for its mother!

(Everyone flinches.)

Chef Ramsay: START. OVER.
Chef Ramsay: AND IF ANYONE SLIPS AGAIN, I’M SERVING COLORFUL JELLYBEANS FOR DINNER.

(He exits. The door SLAMS.)

Lime, whispering: …So the foam is officially the impostor, right?
Rose: LIME.

(Beat.)

Banana, softly: Banana believes in the team.

(Everyone pauses, then quietly locks in.)

Cyan: …Okay. Let’s actually cook for real this time.

(The timer restarts.)

(Suddenly, Chef Ramsay appears after 20 minutes of pure, focused cooking.)

(He silently walks to Rose’s station first.)

Chef Ramsay: Seasoning?
Rose, stiff as a plank: Salt, pepper, thyme, chef.

(Ramsay tastes. Long pause.)

Rose: …
Chef Ramsay: Finally. Someone who understands food isn’t supposed to taste like regret.

(Rose exhales like she just survived war.)

(He moves to Maroon and Banana.)

Chef Ramsay: Who’s on the risotto?
Maroon: We both are, chef.
Chef Ramsay: Good. Because if one of you messes this up, you’re both going down with the ship.

(He scoops a spoonful.)

(Banana is visibly shaking.)

Banana: Banana tried very hard…

(Ramsay tastes.)

(Another pause.)

(Then—)

Chef Ramsay: …

(Banana grips the counter.)

Chef Ramsay: That is the most emotionally stable risotto I’ve seen all day.
Banana: :D
Maroon: YES— I mean— thank you, chef.

(Ramsay moves on.)

(Now he stands behind Cyan.)

Cyan, without turning around: I can feel your aura, chef.
Chef Ramsay: Why is your pan hotter than the sun?
Cyan: For... d-dramatic effect...?

(Ramsay lifts the lid.)

(He stares.)

Chef Ramsay: …
Cyan: …Is that a good silence or a “call my lawyer” silence?

(Ramsay tastes.)

(Another pause.)

Chef Ramsay: It’s good.
Cyan: LET’S FUCK!!!
Green: AYOOOOOOO
Lime, peeking out from the fish station (recording all of it): CYAN CAUGHT BEING GAY ON CAMERA!
Pink, turning to face Rose: Did... Cyan just say... w-what I think h-h-he said..?
Cyan, pointing a kitchen knife at everyone: Whoever does not delete that recording off their phone RIGHT NOW, I will personally come after the second I get to be the Impostor, understood?
Everyone else (except Chef Ramsay): Y-ye-s uh... chef... C-Cyan...

(Meanwhile, Chef Ramsay remains in stunned silence.)

Cyan: I swear I meant to say "LET'S FUCKING GO"
Cyan, internally: OH MY GOD I'M SO HORNY HAPPY RIGHT NOW AAAAAAAAAAAA
Cyan, his worst internal thought escaping: I'LL SUCK CHEF'S DICK IF IT MEANS GETTING MORE PRAISE!!
Chef Ramsay, backtracking: Woah, woah! Not in my Christian kitchen! Besides, I said "good", not "life changing"
Blue, whispering to Lime: That's ironic coming from a man who drops the F bomb every 4 seconds LMAOOO
Lime, whispering back to Blue: I know right!?
Cyan, realizing his mistake: Uh did I really just say that out loud–
Rose: And to think you had the AUDACITY earlier to tell me to get my mouth out of Chef Ramsay's ass 😭

(Flashback to earlier...)

Rose: Okay, everyone. I just got the ticket... thing...y. Put your phones down. We have to make 2 beef wellingtons and a risotto, like Chef Ramsay said.

(Cyan looks up from his phone)

Cyan: Rose, just get your mouth out of Chef Ramsay's ass, will you?

(Rose snaps her head and turns to look at Cyan)

Rose, angry: CYAN!! YOU CAN'T SAY THAT, IT'S EXTREMELY UNPROFESSIONAL!!!!
Cyan: My bad.

(Cyan goes back to scrolling YouTube Shorts at full volume)

(End of flashback...)

Green, whispering while trying not to laugh: …Bro, that escalated way faster than the Beef Wellington.
Lime, holding up his phone: …uhhh Cyan… did you just say “suck Chef’s dick” on recorded video?
Cyan, panicking, pointing the kitchen knife at Lime: NO! DELETE IT! DELETE IT! DELETE IT BEFORE IT GETS TO THE YOUTUBE SHORTS ALGORITHM!
Banana, cautiously: Banana… Banana think maybe Cyan meant… uh… “let’s go”?
Cyan, flailing: I MEANT “LET’S FUCKING GO!” I DIDN’T SAY THAT! I DIDN’T SAY THAT!
Chef Ramsay, pinching the bridge of his nose: …I swear, I leave the kitchen for twenty minutes and it turns into a circus run by walking jellybeans with zero filter. Just… just cook. Please.
Cyan, muttering under his breath: …BRB changing my brain… permanently…

(Everyone scrambles back to work. The tension is high. The risotto’s still cooking. The Wellingtons are teetering. And Cyan keeps glancing nervously at Ramsay like he’s about to cast a spell to erase his verbal sins.)

Chef Ramsay, sighing: …If this kitchen survives today, I’m filing it under “miracles.”

Lime, thinking, trying to hold laughter back: OH MAN, OH MANNN I'M DEF POSTING THIS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(Lime posts the video to YouTube and TikTok with the caption "Cyan caught confessing to wanting to suck Chef Ramsay's cock for his praise on camera #shorts #hellskitchen #cheframsay #chaosbeans", Cyan doesn't notice this.)

Chef Ramsay, muttering under his breath: You all are huge children...

(Meanwhile, Lime's phone is exploding with notifications as all of them resume cooking. The comment section is a warzone; half are praising Lime for filming this hilarious moment, and the other half takes Cyan's side.)

Chef Ramsay: All of you, I better see your best performance. Don't make me regret picking this career.

(Lime holds up his phone, showing everyone (including Chef Ramsay and Cyan) the viral video as everyone's voices fill the air)

(In the video...)

Cyan, without turning around: I can feel your aura, chef.
Chef Ramsay: Why is your pan hotter than the sun?
Cyan: For... d-dramatic effect..?

(Ramsay lifts the lid.)

(He stares.)

Chef Ramsay: …
Cyan: …Is that a good silence or a “call my lawyer” silence?

(Ramsay tastes.)

(Another pause.)

Chef Ramsay: It’s good.
Cyan: LET’S FUCK!!!
Green: AYOOOOOOO
Lime, peeking out from the fish station (recording all of it): CYAN CAUGHT BEING GAY ON CAMERA!
Pink, turning to face Rose: Did... Cyan just say... w-what I think h-h-he said..?
Cyan, pointing a kitchen knife at everyone: Whoever does not delete that recording off their phone RIGHT NOW, I will personally come after the second I get to be the Impostor, understood?
Everyone else (except Chef Ramsay): Y-ye-s uh... chef... C-Cyan...

(Meanwhile, Chef Ramsay remains in stunned silence.)

Cyan: I swear I meant to say "LET'S FUCKING GO"
Cyan, his worst internal thought escaping: I'LL SUCK CHEF'S DICK IF IT MEANS GETTING MORE PRAISE!!
Chef Ramsay, backtracking: Woah, woah! Not in my Christian kitchen! Besides, I said "good", not "life changing"
Cyan, realizing his mistake: Uh did I really just say that out loud–
Rose: And to think you had the AUDACITY earlier to tell me to get my mouth out of Chef Ramsay's ass 😭
Green, whispering while trying not to laugh: …Bro, that escalated way faster than the Beef Wellington.
Lime, holding up his phone: …uhhh Cyan… did you just say “suck Chef’s dick” on recorded video?
Cyan, panicking, pointing it at Lime: NO! DELETE IT! DELETE IT! DELETE IT BEFORE IT GETS TO THE YOUTUBE SHORTS ALGORITHM!
Banana, cautiously: Banana… Banana think maybe Cyan meant… uh… “let’s go”?
Cyan, flailing: I MEANT “LET’S GO!” I DIDN’T SAY THAT! I DIDN’T SAY THAT!
Chef Ramsay, pinching the bridge of his nose: …I swear, I leave the kitchen for twenty minutes and it turns into a circus run by walking jellybeans with zero filter. Just… just cook. Please.
Cyan, muttering under his breath: …BRB changing my brain… permanently…

(End of video)

(Lime's phone lights up with a notification: a comment from @gordonramsayofficial saying "That guy Cyan should put 2 slices of bread on his ears. You've got an idiot sandwich right there")

Cyan, reading from Lime's shoulder: WHAT!?
Cyan, trying to mimic the "PAIMON IS NOT EMERGENCY FOOD!" meme: CYAN IS NOT IDIOT SANDWICH!!!

(Suddenly, Coral shows up, "venting" through the wall near the Chef Table to get in)

Coral: Hey guys! Sorry I'm late haha, what did I miss?
Everyone else except Chef Ramsay: CORAL!?
Green: BROOO CORAL YOU NEED TO SEE THE VIDEO I'M ABOUT TO SEND YOU 

(Green sends Coral the video Lime filmed of Cyan saying he'd "suck Chef Ramsay's dick if it meant getting his praise" via WhatsApp)

Coral: ...Green, what the hell did you just send me?
Green: Doesn't matter. Just watch it.
Coral, opening the video: ...O...kay..?
Cyan, trying to warn Coral: NO, DON'T OPEN THAT FUCKING VIDEO

(Coral curiously opens the video while Cyan screams at him to not do it, but it's too late. Everyone's voices fill the room again as Coral watches the TikTok Green sent him.)

(Coral starts snickering, and it turns into a full-blown rolling-on-the-floor laughter.)

Coral: NOOOOOO AIN'T NO WAY CYAN JUST SAID THAT 😭🙏
Coral: HOW DID I MISS THIS LEGENDARY MOMENT!? WHO FILMED IT!?
Lime, admitting it proudly: I did!
Coral: LIME THANK YOU FOR RECORDING THIS LEGENDARY MOMENT, OH MY GOD 💀
Banana, quietly whispering to Maroon: Banana confused. Banana just wanted to cook for Beef...

(Banana feels something he can't quite describe. Like a ghostly, angelic touch from Beef no one else sees. Like how Beef used to hug Banana when they were scared 6-year-olds.)

Banana: Banana going to make Beef proud of Banana. But also...

(Suddenly, Banana says something that stops everybody in their tracks. It stops all voices and movement immediately for a split second before everybody turns to face Banana once again.)

Banana: Banana wish Beef happy 25 heavenly birthday

(Turns out, today, November 29th, 2025, is Beef's 25th birthday and Beef's 19th year anniversary since Beef died in 9/11.)

(Chef Ramsay, usually the human hurricane of yelling, pauses for once. His mouth opens, then closes. He clears his throat, stiff like a poorly cooked steak.)

Chef Ramsay, voice tight: …Banana… that… that was…

(He stops, shakes his head, mutters)

Chef Ramsay: Bloody hell… I don’t even know what to say.

(He glares around at the chaos of the kitchen, then sighs, the edges of his usual rage softened.)

Chef Ramsay: …Alright, you lot. Let’s… let’s cook like someone out there is watching. Someone who actually matters.

(The beans blink, stunned. Even Green stops mid-spin in the chair. Cyan’s phone hovers in mid-air.)

Chef Ramsay, quietly under his breath: …That kid… that jellybean… he’s got heart.

(The room is silent for a beat, then the faint clatter of pans resumes—but slower, like everyone is treading carefully around Banana’s words.)

Banana: …Banana cook for Beef.
Chef Ramsay, finally: …Then cook, damn it. Make it count.

(A loud WHOOSH as Yellow accidentally turns on the wrong burner. Flames shoot up.)

Rose: IT’S ON FIRE!!!
Maroon: PUT IT OUT!!!
Lime: WITH WHAT!?
Cyan: THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER, YOU NPC!!!
Pink: Wait, is no one else having a déj–

(Lime grabs the extinguisher and unloads the entire thing onto the risotto, the beef, the counter, Banana, and half the crew.)

Pink: –à vu...
Banana, covered in foam: …Banana?

(The kitchen is now white with extinguisher dust. Silence.)

(Chef Ramsay suddenly walks in and stares at the disaster)

Chef Ramsay: …NOT AGAIN!!!
Cyan, covered in foam, still on his phone (which is also covered in foam): skill issue lol💀 part 2
Chef Ramsay: Everybody, go change. RIGHT NOW!!!
Pink: Has no one else had a déjà vu?
Cyan, brain completely fried from scrolling so much: Wha-What? What the– what..?
Pink: Like, we've SEEN this scenario unfold before...

(Flashback, earlier...)

(Cyan is at the stove, still on his phone, pouring rice into a lukewarm pan.)

Rose: CYAN, THE RISOTTO NEEDS HEAT!
Cyan: I-i-i-it has emotional warmth. Tha-that's gotta count for something.
Rose: YEAH, FOR YOUR STUPIDITY!!!
Cyan: :(

(The pan immediately starts smoking.)

White: Uh… is the risotto supposed to be BLACK?
Cyan: That means it’s rare.

(A loud WHOOSH as Orange accidentally turns on the wrong burner. Flames shoot up.)

Orange: WHY IS THE FIRE DOING EXTRA DAMAGE!?!
Blue: THIS IS NOT MINECRAFT!!!

(Banana is gently patting a piece of beef.)

Banana: Banana help Beef :D
Maroon: Banana, you’re tenderizing it with emotional support. HIT IT.
Banana: …Banana :(

(Lime slips on spilled oil and accidentally flings puff pastry across the room.)

Lime: AIRBORNE DOUGH—
Rose: WHY IS THE PASTRY ON THE CEILI–

(LOUD INTERCOM BEEP)

Chef Ramsay, over intercom: WHY DO I SMELL BURNING RICE AND REGRET!?

(Everyone freezes.)

Cyan, whispering: Nobody move. If we’re still, he can’t see us.

(The risotto pan bursts into flames.)

Pink: IT’S ON FIRE!!!
Red: PUT IT OUT!!!
Green: WITH WHAT!?
Blue: THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER, YOU NPC!!!

(Green grabs the extinguisher and unloads the entire thing onto the risotto, the beef, the counter, Banana, and half the crew.)

Banana, covered in foam: …Banana?

(The kitchen is now white with extinguisher dust. Silence.)

(Chef Ramsay suddenly walks in and stares at the disaster)

Chef Ramsay: …I leave all of you alone for FIVE MINUTES.
Cyan, covered in foam, still on his phone (which is also covered in foam): skill issue lol💀
Chef Ramsay: Everybody, go change. RIGHT NOW!!!

(End of flashback...)

Cyan: Ohhhhh yeahhh! We've been through this before.
Chef Ramsay: WHAT ARE YOU DONUTS WAITING FOR!? GO CHANGE NOW!

(In the locker room)

Cyan: Oh my GOD, NOT AGAIN!!!

(Confessional rooms)

---

(Confessional: Cyan)

Cyan: Well, that happened again. Fuck you, Lime.

---

(Confessional: Lime)

Lime: I know Cyan can not be all that. He burnt the risotto while on his phone. When Rose pointed out it has to have heat, Cyan excused it on "emotional warmth". He's stupid, I tell you! He's addicted to brainrot content!

---

(Confessional: Pink)

Pink: I knew it. I knew this mess has happened before.

---

(Back in the locker room...)

(Cyan is in the shower for the second time in an hour, peeling foam off his visor. Lockers are slamming, and the air smells like wet wool and sentient soap. Gray is standing near her locker, looking at the floor in silence. Banana is quietly humming a "Happy Birthday" tune to himself while trying to dry his little chef hat.)

(Gray decides to get a brand new jacket from her locker, takes off her jacket and hat and steps into the shower. Banana does the same. He takes off his current outfit, grabs a new one, leaves it right beside his locker and decides to step into the shower. The water hitting his head like a lukewarm reality check.)

(Cyan turns off the showerhead and steps out with water dripping all over his body. He makes a sprint for his towel and almost slips before Pink catches him.)

Pink: You okay, Cyan?
Cyan, with water dripping all over him: Yeah, I'm fine.
Pink: Do you need me to grab your towel for you?
Cyan: Nah, thanks.
Pink: Alright then...

(Cyan grabs his towel and starts drying right then and there.)

(After they all finish showering and changing...)

Chef Ramsay: FINALLY! I THOUGHT YOU DONUTS FUSED WITH THE LOCKERS!
Cyan, ignoring Chef Ramsay: Anyway, I call dibs on the beef wellington
Pink: I also call dibs on the beef wellington!
Maroon: Banana and I call dibs on the risotto

(They finally start focusing and they are cooking for real this time. Until...)

Cyan: Hey guys so I was following this Indian guy with 8 subscribers'tutorial on how to make Beef Wellingtons and he told me to put baby oil...
Cyan: So uh... how do I undo it?
Pink, actually irritated by everyone's stupidity: CYAN I SWEAR I'M ONE OF YOUR DUMB IDEAS AWAY FROM COMMITTING A FELONY—
Green: I have a better question

(Green stares at the cow wandering around the kitchen)

Green: WHO THE FUCK USED A COW SPAWN EGG!?
Yellow: THIS IS NOT MINECRAFT, GREEN!!!
Brown, yelling from a bench off-screen: CYAN, WHY DO YOU KEEP BABY OIL IN A KITCHEN??? ARE YOU... DIDDY... REINCARNATED, OR SOMETHING!?
Cyan, muttering under his breath: We should be asking that to Chef Ramsay...
Chef Ramsay, who somehow heard Cyan: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, YOU WALKING HIGHLIGHTER WITH NO INK!?
Cyan, trying to sound innocent: NO-NO-Nothing Che-chef Ramsay! 😇
Lime, out for Cyan's blood: HE SAID WE SHOULD ASK YOU WHY YOU KEEP BABY OIL IN A PROFESSIONAL KITCHEN AND IF YOU'RE P. DIDDY REINCARNATED!!!
Cyan, lunging at Lime: LIME, YOU FUCKING SNITCH—